How to Get Through the Holidays When You're Grieving
Grief & The Holidays · 8 Min Read
The first holiday season after losing someone you love can feel like walking into a room where all the furniture has been rearranged — familiar, and nothing like home.
The music is the same. The recipes are the same. But the chair at the end of the table isn't filled the way it used to be, and nobody warned you that grief gets louder in November and December, not quieter. If that's where you are this year — or if you love someone who is — this is a gentle, honest guide to getting through it. Not "getting over it." Just through it, one day, one tradition, one small decision at a time.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Why the Holidays Make Grief Feel Louder
Grief doesn't follow a calendar, but holidays have a way of holding a magnifying glass up to it. Every tradition — who carves the turkey, who tells the same joke, who always called first on Christmas morning — is a small reminder of who's missing. If you've recently walked through the loss of a parent, or you're still finding your footing after losing a spouse, it's worth naming this plainly: it is normal for the ache to feel sharper right now. You are not doing grief "wrong." You're doing it during the one season of the year built entirely around gathering, memory, and empty chairs.
Give Yourself Permission to Change the Traditions
You do not have to host the same way, cook the same menu, or show up to every gathering you used to attend. Some families find comfort in keeping everything exactly the same, as close to how it always was. Others need to change almost everything that first year — a different location, a smaller guest list, a quieter day altogether — just to get through it. Neither one is more faithful or more "right" than the other. Grief has a way of making even small decisions feel enormous, so give yourself — and whoever you're grieving with — permission to decide what this year actually needs, instead of what last year looked like.
Let the Empty Chair Have Its Place
Trying to pretend the empty seat isn't there usually makes the whole room feel heavier, not lighter. Some families light a candle for the person they're missing and let it burn through the meal. Others set out their photo, or simply say their name out loud and let whoever needs to cry, cry. A few find real comfort in writing them a letter they'll never send — just to say what didn't get said, or to catch them up on the year. It's a small, steady way to keep talking to someone you still love. If that's something you — or someone you're buying for this season — might want to hold onto, it's worth looking at. A quiet keepsake, something that carries their memory without needing any words at all, can mean more during the holidays than almost anything else you could give.
Lean on the People Who Showed Up For You Before
You don't have to carry this season alone, and you don't have to explain your grief to earn someone's help. Tell a friend, a sibling, or someone from your church exactly what you need — a ride, an extra place setting, someone to just sit with you after everyone else has gone home. Most people genuinely want to help; they just don't know how, so telling them plainly is a gift to both of you. And if you're the one trying to support a grieving friend this season and you're not sure what to bring or say, a thoughtful sympathy gift that doesn't ask anything of them in return is often exactly right — we've put together a few ideas in what to give instead of flowers.
Start One Small, New Tradition That Honors Them
Grief and gratitude can sit in the same room together — that's not a contradiction, it's just what healing often looks like partway through. A lot of families find peace in starting one new, small tradition that quietly honors the person they lost: donating in their name, cooking the one dish only they made right, or wearing something that keeps them close without saying a word, like a cross necklace engraved with their initials or a date that mattered. Personalized keepsake jewelry like this has become one of the quiet trends of this season — not flashy, just meaningful, which is really all grief ever asks a gift to be.
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
— Matthew 5:4
If you're looking for a small way to mark this season for yourself or for someone you love who's grieving, here are a few keepsakes from our Memorial Gifts collection that carry a memory well, without ever feeling like "just a gift."
Crucifix Metal Wall Art Sign
A quiet, permanent piece for the home — the kind of thing you hang once and keep forever, a steady reminder of faith through every season, including the hard ones.
$49.99
Shop NowFrequently Asked Questions
Is it okay to skip holiday traditions after a loss?
Yes. There's no rule that says you have to host, attend, or keep every tradition exactly as it was. Many families find it's healthier to simplify the first year or two, and return to old traditions — or build new ones — when it feels right.
How do I include my loved one in holiday plans this year?
Small, simple ways work best: a lit candle at the table, a favorite recipe made in their honor, a photo on display, or a moment where someone says their name out loud and shares a memory before the meal begins.
What do I say if someone asks how I'm doing?
Whatever is true in that moment. "I'm having a hard day" or "I'm okay right now, thank you for asking" are both complete, honest answers. You don't owe anyone more detail than you want to give.
What's a thoughtful gift for someone grieving during the holidays?
Something personal that doesn't require a response is usually best — a keepsake journal, a small piece of engraved jewelry, or a quiet memorial gift. Avoid anything that pressures them to "move on" or feel festive before they're ready.
Is it normal to feel guilty about feeling okay sometimes?
Completely normal. Grief rarely moves in a straight line — moments of laughter and even joy can show up right alongside sorrow, often in the same afternoon. Feeling okay doesn't mean you've forgotten them or loved them any less.
How can my church family help during this season?
Let them. Ask for a ride to a service, a meal, or simply company on a hard day. Most churches and small groups genuinely want to walk through this with you — they just need to know what would actually help.
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How to Cope With the Loss of a Parent: A Gentle Guide for the Hardest Season
How to Navigate Loss After Losing a Spouse: A Gentle Guide for the Days That Follow
Christian Memorial Gifts: What to Give When Words Aren't Enough
However This Season Looks for You, It's Allowed
There's no version of this holiday season you're required to perform — not for your family, not for tradition, not even for the memory of the person you lost. Grief and gratitude, grief and gladness, can live in the very same room. You're allowed to laugh at dinner and cry in the car on the way home. Both are love. Both are faith, lived out honestly.
If this season is hard, that's not a sign your faith is failing — it's a sign you loved someone enough that their absence still has weight. That's not something to get past quickly. It's something to carry gently, for as long as it takes.